The next post in my Life of Beth series is going to address the point in my life where I began to recognize the spiritual battle for what it was. I thought I'd share a present day example of what it tends to look like in my normal, just-trying-to-hang-on-to-the-hem-of-Jesus'-robe day to day Christian walk.
Last night I attended an important meeting at our church because of a task that I feel God has called me to. This task, and that of others at the meeting, will have a significant effect on the future of our church. If you are a born again Christian, you know that this is the sort of situation which thrusts a believer into the heart of spiritual warfare.
If you have somehow found this blog and are not a Christian, it's important to understand that (we believe) the closer you draw near to God, the more you seek the face of God and His will, the more likely you are to incur the wrath of the enemy (Satan). This wrath takes the form of spiritual warfare against the believer. It can come in most any form, internal or external, real or "imagined", and usually attacks exactly wherever the believer is most vulnerable. Health, finances, family, security, self-image, emotions, sleep - no part of a believer's life is completely safe from attack. (And those who would suggest otherwise are either deluding themselves or have not spent much time reading about the life of the apostle Paul. Or the life of Jesus, for that matter.)
OK, so I wrote this last night after I got home - the attack began within minutes of leaving the meeting:
from August 19, 2008
I am feeling very spiritually fragile right now. A couple months back I took on a task I believed in my heart God had called me to do. In fact, I believe this task is one of the main reasons He placed us in the church we are currently attending. I am still sure that God called me, but I am no longer sure why.
I am feeling a lot like Moses, stammering and stuttering out to God why he was the wrong man for the job. When I think about the enormity of the task, and it's importance to the future of our church, I become desperately frightened. Somewhere I once read, that if we accept a task that we can do within our own human capacity, then how does God get the glory? But if we accept a task that can only be done by God working through us - then all the glory is His.
Well, this must be a God-sized task. Because I haven't a clue how to accomplish it in any of my human capacity even on my very best of days.
I am David, standing before Goliath with a slingshot. I am Gideon with his whittled down army. I am Joshua marching around the great fortified city of Jericho armed with only musicians carrying trumpets. And I have one month before my part of this task comes due. If God does not show up soon and multiply my few loaves and fishes (of ideas) I am going down....
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8/20/08 A postscript
I reached out in the middle of that confusion to a friend who is a strong prayer warrior. That helped.... a lot. Yet I know, this battle is only the tip of the iceberg. More (and worse) will follow. I am gathering up my courage to tell you of my 8th grade year. It was a year of great emotional and spiritual darkness, and since I've been finding myself almost re-living each year in the telling I need a good chunk of time to battle through the writing of it. I promise it's coming soon - I won't stop in the middle!
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