Suffer the little children

I love to read Jon Acuff's Stuff Christians Like blog. (If I ever figure out how to put a link to it I will). He recently addressed what (from the 120+ comments) turned out to be a real hot button issue - the running argument about whether or not children should worship with adults in "big church" (or main service, or whatever you want to call it).

Because I have three young children myself, I was fascinated by all the opinions voiced. But I would propose that the question is much deeper than a Sunday morning logistics issue. I believe there has been a quiet cultural shift going on right underneath our noses. I've been pondering this one for some time, probably starting about 6 years ago.

Six years ago, we had just our oldest son, Christopher. He was 2, and he basically went with me everywhere it was possible to take him. Grocery store, post office, doctor's appointments, Brian's school concerts, restaurants (on the rare occasion we ate out) - Chris was my little sidekick. Of course, when you bring a baby or toddler with you everywhere, you eventually run into the inevitable "little one emergencies". Diaper changes, feeding times (and Chris was nursing), runny noses, and miscellaneous messes - all must be taken care of in a timely manner or you will have a squalling child to deal with. I was on the receiving end of a lot of dirty looks. Even more so now when I take all 3 children with me.

America is supposedly a child friendly nation. "Supposedly!" you say. Why don't you know there are high chairs and booster seats and changing tables and kid-friendly accommodations in public places throughout our nation. Yes, this is true. I am referring to the attitude of the general public, not the facilities.

One of the big arguments people had against children in church was that they are a distraction. Other folks argued, well, how will they learn to NOT be a distraction if they are not part of it. Good point!

I think our nation's tolerance of little children learning to behave has gone WAY down. I certainly agree that my children should behave in public places, church included. But they are still children, and they will sometimes get hungry, tired, cranky, or sick, and will act like children. People used to just accept this. In the days when children did go everywhere with their parents, passers-by would see a cranky child and perhaps exchange sympathetic glances with the parent, or even (God forbid) HELP them. Offer a tissue, a snack, to help the mother find a restroom, carry her bags, whatever. Now, people look on and think "Wow! What a horrible parent" and walk on by.

Lest you think I am merely imagining this, or am overreacting, I offer you a comparison. In the summer of 2002, when Chris was 2 1/2, our family along with Brian's whole family went to France for 10 days for his brother's wedding. My sister-in-law is French, and her whole family is still in France. Well, we were very nervous about the whole thing - the plane ride, a foreign country, different food, etc. Oh, and Chris is autistic, but we didn't know it at the time. We just knew that he was very sensitive to schedule changes and different environments and lots of noise and chaos.

To our absolute and delighted surprise, it was a wonderful experience! The French people were *so* gracious to us. We bumbling, lost Americans, who mangled their language and didn't know their culture. High chairs, booster seats, sleeping accommodations, special food - they helped us find all of it, even in our pidgin French. And when Chris was unhappy, people around us went out their way to make happy faces and kitchie-coo and whatever they could to try to cheer him up. They accepted his presence as normal and they doted on him.

There were six (yes, six) LITTLE children in the wedding party itself. I'm talking under age 7. Chris was one of them. In France, the children are the ones in the wedding party. The nieces and nephews of the bride and groom help carry the bride's train, and hold baskets of flowers, and process down the aisle. And sit through the whole (long) wedding Mass. At if they whisper or wander, well...they're children. That's what children do.

I don't remember us getting one dirty look for bringing our child with us. Actually in France, even the *dogs* are welcome in many places! We ate in many a cafe where the people next to us had their little dog in a lap or under the table, and it was normal. Hmmm.....a culture of people who love children and dogs, even when it wouldn't seem convenient.

I just keep wondering if we Americans don't have it backwards....