So I got back from camp on Saturday afternoon. We had an awesome great week with our bunch of junior high kids. Coming back from camp, coming back down (literally and figuratively) off the mountaintop is really hard for me. Being a mom of 3 little kids, at home I'm always Mom/And - Mom and wife, Mom and friend, Mom and church member. At camp, even though I still have a position of authority, I get to be just me. This year, especially, because of an issue that God has been dealing with me on - the issue of removing the mask and really being me - I had an exceptionally good week.
Since our theme was XPress yourself each counselor was to share some personal expression of faith at the worship circle that first night. After a pitched battle with myself over how vulnerable I would let myself be, I decided that I needed to be obedient to God's calling me to unmask myself that week. I knew that if I held back then, it would set the tone for the whole week. I had a last minute inspiration to read a journal entry I had written a couple months ago about a turning point in my spiritual journey. I'm not sure how much the kids got out of it, but I was very moved when a friend on staff said it really touched something in him.
That moment gave me the courage to leave the mask off for the rest of the week. For the first time in years I was able to be my real, silly, goofy self and let loose and play again. And amazingly, everybody still liked me! In fact, many people said they liked me better. Wow - that was so powerful for me. I think one of the best moments was when I was hitting a volleyball around with some of the kids and counselors in front of the dining hall. At one point I reached way back to set the ball, tripped over a rock and went sprawling flat on my back in front of everyone. And instead of being mortified I laughed so hard I couldn't talk. At that moment I felt the joy bursting out of me and the shackles breaking and falling off. It was so freeing...
The challenge for me now is to figure out how to keep that mask off at home. To find ways to be my true self back in my normal surroundings. I'm seriously considering going out and buying a volleyball.
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