A watershed moment

I got an object lesson from God today. It came at the strangest time in the middle of the most ordinary circumstances. I was over at a friend's house - we were just chatting about everything and nothing (a very common occurrence for us) and the subject came around to the goings on in our church. We were discussing ways to spiritually "wake up" the congregation and encourage a more authentic worship.

At some point in the middle of this discussion we both noticed that a thunderstorm had crept up and that a downpour was going on outside. Suddenly out of a nowhere she hops out of her chair, rushes toward the front door, and says, "Come on!" I follow her, puzzled, as she says, "Take off your glasses and follow me."

"What?!" said I. "Where are we going?"

And she proceeds to go out her front door, across the porch, and runs out into the middle of her driveway in the pouring rain. "Come on! Get out here!" Now, you have to understand that I am well used to such impulsive moments from this particular friend. And I almost followed her. But I stopped up short, just under her porch roof. She's laughing and dancing and yelling at me to stop being silly and just get out there. I couldn't make myself do it. It was so dumb, and I knew that. And the more she scolded me the more firmly my feet were rooted to the spot.

And then she yells from where she stands "See? This is what's wrong - this is why we can't get people to let go and really worship!" Oh, God....at that moment it was like God ripped a gaping hole right through the middle of my soul. It physically hurt, stunned me, took my breath away.

She came in, grabbed some towels - talked about how good she felt - clean and refreshed. I sat shell-shocked in the corner of her couch, unable to understand why such a silly, simple thing had pulled the rug out from under me. I am still in the middle of processing it. I don't fully understand. Somewhere along the way, I erected a mask - only lately I'm learning that it has layers. Like the part in the C.S. Lewis story "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" where Eustace turns into a dragon. And Aslan comes to rescue him - he tells him to undress, or shed his skin in order to swim in the magic lake to be healed. But no matter how many times he sheds it, it grows back. Until Aslan says, "You must let me undress you" and proceeds to rake his lion's claw right through to the heart of him, and this time the pain is nearly unbearable for Eustace, and Aslan tosses him in the lake, and he is healed and becomes a boy again.

Every time I think the mask is off, something happens that makes me realize it goes deeper than I ever imagined. God help me, I feel like a hypocrite. I sings songs to God about being free, but I am still bound. I sing about being loosed from my chains but they are still there. No wonder I have felt numb during the worship time at church.

If I ever finally remove the last mask what will I find? Who am I anymore?