If anyone is wondering what has happened to me, well... the title of this post about sums it up.
Every so often I find that God has dumped me back into His refining furnace. The past two weeks have been almost non-stop - no earth shattering disasters, but still a constant, unending series of events - illness, health crises, behavior issues, finances. Dropping on me like Chinese water torture with little time to stop, or process, or rest.
I know God is holding me, but I can't help it - it hurts. I've been trying something different this time, though. Usually my first response is to call all my friends, get on the prayer list, tell everybody I know at church. This time - something inside me told me that that wasn't what I was supposed to do.
So I grabbed my Bible and got on my knees before God - a lot. I've had my share of "dark nights of the soul" over the course of my journey with God. This one feels different. More significant somehow. I think it's a part of that whole breaking through the glass ceiling thing.
The difference between Christianity and "churchianity". The difference between doing church, and seeking the face of God.
2 comments:
Be patient with the process. It can take longer and go stranger than we think. And the pushback we can get from both outer and inner churchianity can be rough. But if you are a feather on the breath of God, you can ride the currents in trust. I won't say "without fear", but with trust. :)
It always hurts to be hammered. I know the feeling, things have been sacred and scary for me as well, and I have felt consumed by it and yet impotent and overwhelmed.
Take comfort in knowing, while you cannot see all ends, God shall hold you firmly in His heart during this time of trial.
I now hear the sounds of chaos echoing upstairs, demanding that I go see what new destruction the three non-sentient but ambulatory crowd at home have cooked up. My heart is full. I will keep you in my prayers.
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