Underneath the mask

My friend D and I had an enlightening conversation today. We have those kind a lot. In addition to being my friend, she's my spiritual mentor, sounding board, encourager, and mirror. Only instead of reflecting back to me what the world sees, she somehow manages to reflect back to me my true self. The one that's been hiding under this mask I erected so long ago. The one I sometimes wonder if I've forgotten how to be.

So, while I've been going about the rest of my day I've been trying to remember those things that have always been a part of me (the good, the bad, and the silly). Here's what I've remembered so far (organized in no particular order.....)

1. I love books. I love to read. I would choose reading a book over most any other leisure activity and have spent many happy hours lost in a book. If I have an addiction, it's books - love to read them, collect them, talk about them, borrow and share them.

2. Following that train of thought, I love to learn. I am a brain, an intellectual, and I revel in it. I soak up information like a sponge soaks up water, and I have a very good memory for all sorts of (many times unrelated) subjects, facts, trivia, and useful data.

3. I am, however, a very big scatterbrain. It would seem I have so much information stored up there in my head that I am constantly losing and misplacing it. (My palm pilot is not a status symbol, it is a necessity - I used to keep forgetting my calendar)

4. I am right brained. I'm very creative, great at brainstorming - putting together all the bibs and bobs of information in my head in new and unique ways to come up with solutions. Just please don't ask me to balance the checkbook or organize a file system.

5. My creative, disorganized right-brainedness makes it nearly impossible for me to do anything in a logical fashion. I usually end up doing things as they occur to me, otherwise I get distracted. I've cleaned closets and done laundry at midnight if it suited my schedule.

6. I am a night owl. I can pretend to be a lark (early riser) if necessary, but I am not one naturally. I do not get up any earlier than I have to. I don't care what the Proverbs 31 woman does. I think better at night, always have.

7. I have terrible sense of direction. It's gotten better (out of necessity) and now I am able to read a map if I get lost. But I still get lost very easily, and please don't tell me give me any compass directions unless you happen to be holding a compass. I drive by landmarks and road signs.

8. I like comfortable clothing. When I spend my days chasing after children, cleaning messes, running errands, and doing housework I like to be comfortable. You will usually find me clean, presentable, and (often) matching - but I do not have an effortless sense of style. The only way I can look "put together" is if I bought it together, to wear together as an outfit.

9. I like color in my world. I like to wear bright or pastel colored clothing. I like color in my house - I don't like plain white (or cream, or eggshell) walls. I don't like "neutral" clothing (black, white, navy, beige) All those "classic" clothes that they (that nebulous "they") keep telling a woman to stock her closet with. I like broomstick skirts and peasant blouses, ruffles, frills, and lace. I like girly clothes. When I dress up, I like to really dress up.

10. I prefer going barefoot (whenever possible) over the most stylish shoes you can buy. Flip flops are my friends. In the winter, the shoes are the first thing to go the minute I walk in the door. I don't care if they're Manolo Blahniks - if they hurt my feet, I won't wear 'em.

11. I like to play my music loud, sing at the top of my lungs, and dance when I'm happy.

12. I don't mind doing hard work, but I hate being bored. I was a secretary for 3 years - it was the worst job I ever had because after I'd learned all my tasks, I was bored. This makes housework a challenge. My iPod is my friend.

13. I love to cook and bake, but please don't ask me to plan/time/manage a big holiday meal. I haven't the foggiest clue how to have everything ready all at the same time and before everyone is grumpy with hunger.

14. I have a very goofy sense of humor, and when I really get going I get fits of the giggles.

15. It takes me a long time to master any new physical skills - roller skating, riding a bicycle, driving a car. But once I learn them, I'm usually pretty good (except for when my natural klutziness kicks in)

16. I'm not naturally graceful. I have to work really hard to do anything gracefully. When I'm running around multitasking I'll inevitably drop something, knock something over, or walk into something. And since I'm fair-skinned and bruise easily people are always saying "What did you do to yourself?" And I never remember "Oh, walked into something again, I suppose...."

17. I'm a great renaissance woman. Since I learn easily I know all sorts of skills in all sorts of areas - I know a little bit about a lot. I'm not a sous chef, but I can make a lot of tasty soups casseroles, and stir fries. I'm not a professional baker, but I can make a very tasty chocolate cake or chocolate chip cookies from scratch. I have enough of a green thumb to keep my houseplants alive (and plant a garden, if I ever get around to it). I can sew some, cross-stitch, do needlepoint and latch-hook. I'm a decent photographer and modest scrapbooker. I've done all sorts of artsy-crafty things and can draw some and paint some. I'm not a virtuoso, but I'm a good singer and have played various instruments at different points in my life. I'm not a carpenter but I can manage a hammer, saw, and screwdriver (with some good directions).

18. I am not mechanically inclined. If I can't figure it out intuitively, I can't do it. Please do not ask me to fix my car, the computer, the plumbing, or any appliance. That is my husband's gift, and he does it admirably.

Those were some of the things running around my head this evening... one last one for tonight..

19. I like sleep. I can keep myself awake past my sleepy-point if I have to, or take care of a child in the middle of the night. But I can no longer manage on 5 hours of sleep a night like I did during all 4 years of college. I need 8 hours worth, preferably all in a row.

G' night...