So who is Seeker?

Well, in a word....me. Seeker is the name of my Christian clown personality. I am Seeker. I am also *a* seeker, or a "quester" (as in, one who goes on a quest for knowledge). This concept has been rattling around in my brain for some time now, since shortly after college. Let me fill you in from the beginning....

My sophomore year in college, I joined the campus clown troupe. In the process of creating our clown's character, we were told that we should envision his or her personality as a whole. We could start with physical characteristics (big feet, red nose, funny hair) a particular personality trait (outgoing, shy) but whatever we chose for our "signature" trait, we should also have in mind the whole persona of that individual clown. Our troupe leader suggested that we should look within ourselves and either pull out one of our own traits we liked, and magnify it; conversely, we could choose a totally opposite trait, one we would like to have, and make it our own in the personality of our clown.

My first clown personality was "Blossom" -partly because it suited where I was in my own personal journey (I was a painfully shy teenager who "blossomed" and came into her own in college) and partly because of the adorable costume elements I picked up at the local antique clothing store. Blossom was sweet and shy, kindly mischievous and loving - her outfit trimmed with flowers. She fitted me and I her - she was the best of me, my "highest self" at the time. I enjoyed being Blossom the Clown all through college and my summer camp jobs.

For a while after college I didn't have any opportunities to use my clowning skills - my busy retail job and long-distance relationship with my boyfriend (now husband) took all my time. The first church that Brian and I attended as a married couple didn't really "get" what Christian clowning was (on their way to becoming a mega-church at the time, they had bigger fish to fry). But then we started attending a small Episcopal church, one where we weren't lost in the crowd. They welcomed creative expressions of the faith, and needed some creative elements for a particular service. So I put my creative hat back on and wrote out a skit that suited the Scripture reference I was given.

But when I envisioned my character performing the skit, I kept coming up against a mental block. After a period of soul searching, I realized I had outgrown my beloved clown's personality. I could not see Blossom performing that skit. I had changed and grown, and therefore I needed a clown persona that suited me as I was now, not how I was 7 years previous.

Back to the drawing board I went to figure out what my new clown personality should be. Myriad names, images, character traits came to mind as I thought about all my friends' clown personas. They were all great ideas, but none of them suited me. For several weeks I went at this the wrong way around, trying to think of the perfect clown traits to slip on over my personality. I searched and searched - searched the Scriptures, searched within my own soul. I became the search. I was The Searcher. Hmmm.....

"Searcher" was what I had become, but it wasn't quite right for my clown name. Then one fine day, at last - an epiphany! My mind's thesaurus finally hit on the right synonym - Seeker. I would become Seeker. It fit.

Funny thing is - it still fits. As I have grown in my journey as a Christ follower, I have come to realize that my new clown name was much more profound than I could ever have known at the time. What I thought was merely a new character for my Christian clowning endeavors has been revealed as truly my essence.

I seek out knowledge, I seek answers to life's questions, I seek the face of Christ. I seek therefore I am (forgive me, Descartes).

I am Seeker and Seeker is me.